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Home › Webmother's Musings

Parent-tested Discipline Tips

By Elisa Ast All

A wise mother once said, "The decision to have a child, it's momentous. It is to decide forever to allow your heart to walk outside your body." The author of that saying, Elizabeth Stone, must have known the joys of parenting, as well as the anguish. Part of what makes parenting so tough is disciplining our children.

As our children grow up right before our eyes, their job is to test boundaries, push limits and otherwise give their parents gray hair and premature wrinkles. And we have the responsibility to teach them what is right and wrong, and somehow do that safely and effectively while remaining calm. Of course, we wouldn't be human if we reacted perfectly in every situation.

For example, I remember the day I caught my son, CJ, hitting one of his baby sisters for the first time. My initial reaction was to yell and grab his arm, scaring him. I immediately regretted it and tried to "fix things," but he was already upset. I had to console two crying kids, rather than just one. In retrospect, I should have calmly sat him down, told him we don't hit and made him sit in time out (the rule of thumb is to remove the child from the action for one minute per year of life – he would have sat in a quiet place for three minutes). Cool voice and hot words: "If you hit, you sit."

Time outs are just one of the strategies that work for today's kids. The following are other parent-tested tips for keeping your kids' behavior in check:

Don't Over-use the Word No: Most children younger than 3 simply don't understand the meaning of "no." Comprehension of this word may not come until 4 or older. Use "no" only when you really mean it and when you have exhausted other alternatives.

Focus on the Positive: Don't overlook the good behavior amidst temper tantrums and misbehaviors. Offer praise when you notice positive action. Compliment good behavior. Over time, this may break the cycle of negative attention.

Let It Go: Some kids feel that negative attention is better than no attention and will misbehave to get a reaction. If the behavior is not dangerous, ignore it. Your child may try something more positive to get your attention.

Pick Your Battles: If your child is spending too much time in time out, try a new approach. The most dangerous or inappropriate behaviors are the ones to work on. Concentrate on those and be consistent in their punishment.

Redirect the Behavior: Quietly lead the child away and show her a new, more appropriate activity. Diverting attention often avoids a battle. Show or tell a child what she can do instead of punishing her for what she can't.

Use Logical and Natural Consequences: If your child screams for a toy, for example, she doesn't get that toy for the next hour or has to play with something else.

Be Consistent: Every time your child exhibits the inappropriate behavior, reply with the same response. Whatever method of discipline you use, be consistent with the consequences each time. Kids come to understand and predict your response and eventually give up the misbehavior.

There is no magical technique that works for every child. Only you can decide what works best for your family. You may have to repeat these strategies over and over before you get results. But your attitude and actions will determine whether you create a battleground or a loving atmosphere for your child to explore and develop.

For more information on discipline, visit iParenting's Baby & Toddler Channel.