Parenting: Toddlers
Redirecting Negative Toddler Energy
There is perhaps no creature on earth that has more energy than a toddler. Their developing minds can think of so many marvelous things to try, but often their bodies and coordination lag behind. Toddlers feel strong emotions but may not have the ability to articulate them. Is it any wonder so much of their energy comes out in a negative manner?
Moms everywhere can share stories of negative toddler energy that appears in the most inappropriate places: at the grocery store, during church or at a restaurant, to name a few. Tamra Orr, a mother of four from Gresham, Ore., remembers those days well.
"When my toddlers began to explode with some of that overwhelming energy and it was going in negative directions like hitting, yelling, etc., I would try to remember that their emotions were as valid as mine," says Orr. "I would sit down and rock and talk with them and see if I could figure out the source of distress. Were they hungry, tired, angry, sad or bored? What could be done to make any or all of those better?"
What Orr learned was something all parents of toddlers should know: how to redirect their toddler's negative energy into something more appropriate.
Changing Course
Jodi Rosenberg, a preschool teacher for The Children's All Day School in New York, N.Y., believes negative energy is very normal at this age. "Although each child is different, most toddlers are in an egocentric stage of development," says Rosenberg. "Most things revolve around them and what they want at the present time."
Rosenberg says there are several steps parents can try to redirect negative energy. First, you should acknowledge the child's negative feelings. Second, explain in simple terms why the child cannot have what they want to at this time, followed by the words the child can use next time. The last thing is to redirect the child by showing him other things he can play with or do. For example, you might say: "I know you want that toy, but Luke is using it now. You can have it when he is finished. Why don't we play with the cooking set for right now?"
"Toddlers are often well redirected after their frustration has been acknowledged," says Rosenberg.
Use Your Funny Bone
Dr. Virginia Shiller, a licensed psychologist and author of the book, Rewards for Kids! Ready-to-Use Charts & Activities for Positive Parenting (Magination Press, 2003), believes humor can also be used to distract and redirect a toddler. "If adults engage in silly or childlike behaviors most toddlers will stop and watch in amusement," says Dr. Shiller.
Dr. Shiller gives the example of a child who is refusing to wear her jacket outside. If the adult tries to put on the jacket and looks confused when it doesn't fit, that adult is taking a wise first step in getting his child to comply and distracting the child from her negative emotions. Then the jacket could start "talking," saying it is very lonely with no one wearing it. If the parent then has the jacket "ask" the child to wear it to keep it company, the child is likely to comply.
"Asking for cooperation in this way has several benefits," says Dr. Shiller. "First, the interaction has moved from a battle between parent and child to a dialogue between the jacket and the child. Second, the novelty amuses the child and distracts him from his original resistance, and thirdly this tactic allows the child to feel in charge. He can make the decision to give his jacket company!"
Taking It Public
Dr. Shiller says public tantrums are tricky, in part because they embarrass parents but also because toddlers may be overstimulated by their surroundings. One idea is to take distracting items with you when you go out in public. An appropriate treat, a small new toy or other desirable item will go far in redirecting your child's focus and diffusing a difficult situation.
Toddlers have a marvelous curiosity that fuels their seemingly endless supply of energy. By learning a few easy techniques you can keep that energy going in a positive direction.
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