Parenting: Preteenagers

Our world is full of exciting and diverse opportunities. As parents, we want to offer our children the best of everything, and that includes an appreciation for and knowledge of a wide variety of music. Exposing your preteen to music can be a hit-and-miss proposition. Their tastes can seem etched in stone, but exposure to different types of music can, over time, result in a higher degree of appreciation.

The Benefits of Music Instruction
Laura Vincent, a musician and private lesson instructor, believes that parents can foster their child's interest in music by being interested themselves and by taking the child to hear age-appropriate live music in concerts or recital and by exposing the child to different kinds of music through recordings, movies and TV.

"Exposure to different kinds of instruments will sometimes spark an interest in a particular instrument by the child," says Vincent. "I find when the child has a strong leaning toward a specific instrument that this is a good predictor of early success for the child."

Vincent believes that when a preteen takes the time to master a particular musical instrument, they learn the pleasure of creating sound, increase their physical dexterity and gain the ability to juggle many physical and mental tasks simultaneously.

Sandy Fleming's daughter has been passionate about music for quite some time. Fleming, the mother of three from Niles, Mich., believes that music has given her daughter a strong sense of self. "Music has built her self-confidence over the years and I think her self-esteem," says Fleming. "She identifies herself as a musician now, and that's a big step forward. She also realizes that her music brings joy to others and feels really good about that."

Fleming's daughter plays many instruments including piano, guitar and the flute. Though her daughter doesn't plan on pursuing music as a career, Fleming knows it has enriched her life.

Choosing a Music Teacher
Andrew Thomas is director of the pre-college division of The Juilliard School. He believes parents with children who are passionate about music should cultivate that passion carefully. "It is important that parents support their children's musical activities by getting them to responsible, creative, nurturing teachers," says Thomas.

The best starting point to finding a good teacher is to take a good look at your child's learning style, and then find a teacher who understands and teaches in that style. Talk to the teacher. Find out his or her philosophy, and then set up some trial lessons. The parent can sit in on the trial lessons and observe the interaction between teacher and student to see about the fit.

The Problem With Practice
Unfortunately, finding a good teacher is just the beginning. Then there is getting your child to practice. Self-discipline doesn't always come naturally for a child, especially preteens. Understanding that practice is a part of the commitment is part of your child's growing process.

For some children, fighting practice is a decisive issue, leading parents to wonder if their child really loves music or if it's time to hang up the instrument for good. "That's a hard question to answer," says Thomas. "Perhaps only the parent, who knows the child well, can have a good sense of when to push and when to give in. If the musical environment at home is varied and a consistent part of family life, it is easier for the parent to help the child understand the long-range commitment of learning music and the larger benefits and enjoyment that comes from music study."

Children who are committed to private lessons need to understand ahead of time that they need to practice regularly in order to make the most of the opportunity. Parents need to have the child make a commitment to study and practice their instrument for a certain amount of time, for instance, an entire school year. If the practicing becomes burdensome for parent or child, it may be time to reevaluate everyone's commitment.

The Financial Aspect
Finding the financial resources to fund a child who loves music can be daunting. Thomas says there are many different options a parent can explore. "The larger music schools like The Juilliard School have financial aid available on an as-needed basis," says Thomas. "Often churches will have small sums of money to help out a talented, needy young musician. Some cities have outreach programs, such as the MAP program in New York City that provides excellent instruction for minority students in the five boroughs. Even some public schools have good music programs and good instruction."

Instruments, although pricey, can often be rented at local music stores, financed or purchased "used." And lessons, while as much as $30 to $50 for a half hour, are well worth the "belt tightening."

The benefits of studying music can have a tremendous impact on your preteen. They can gain discipline, the ability to work for long-term goals, intense socialization and friendships with other young musicians, a sense of accomplishment and a sense of touching something fundamental in us as human beings that transcends day-to-day life. Out of all the opportunities this world has to offer, music is definitely one worth pursuing for your child.