Parenting: Preschoolers

Many families wince at the official start of the holiday season. In addition to the routine you typically follow during the year, you now go in search of the perfect gift for loved ones and bake dozens of cookies. How do your children perceive this busy time of year? While you rush through tasks that are supposed to be enjoyable and provide your family a memorable holiday experience, what do your children learn about the spirit of the season?

Perhaps your children wish they had more time to spend enjoying the holidays with you. Or they might want to participate in the hustle and bustle of preparing for the holidays. Most children appreciate the chance to be thoughtful, generous and compassionate. What if this year you could help your child give the people on his list presents that didn’t cost a cent?

Cultivating Compassion
Children look to our examples of generosity, compassion and selflessness more than ever at this time of year. They want to help select gifts for teachers and siblings. They demonstrate their best behavior as the holidays near, hoping to impress family members and elves bearing gifts.

But parents feeling overwrought from the burden of trying to create the ideal holiday atmosphere can forget that random and genuine acts of kindness are powerful lessons to teach their children. Dr. Vicki Peterson is a pediatrician and mother of two active young boys in Chicago, Ill. She believes that focusing on the meaning of the season has potential health benefits.

"Children who feel good about their holiday self image and behavior increase their self-esteem and have less of a chance of experiencing depression during the holidays," says Dr. Peterson. She strongly emphasizes that children who have experienced significant life changes such as divorce, relocation or the death of a family member profit two-fold from being a proactive and positive part of the season.

Bob Vanderleise of Lake in the Hills, Ill., a retired high school teacher who volunteers at shelters and other organizations, shares Dr. Peterson’s perspective. His enthusiastic support of approaching the holidays in a less stressful and more traditional manner is evident as he emotionally speaks of his experiences. "Seeing the innocent and genuine loving spirit in a child who proudly brings a pair of mittens in to donate to a child in need is deeply touching," says Vanderleise. "It opens the eyes of a child in a way you’d never imagine."

Parents can present many gift options to children that instill the pleasure of giving and receiving. The kindness demonstrated when contributing to a giving tree or food pantry is a wonderful demonstration of philanthropy. Local discount and department stores, shopping centers and even grocery stores offer a variety of ways to sponsor children and families that are struggling. Realizing that needy children often hope for new socks, mittens or selflessly ask for items to give to their parents may encourage your kids to use part of their allowance to contribute a gift to children in need.

Time, Talents and Treasures
It’s important that children understand that charitable acts do not always mean donating money. Suggest that your children give of themselves by bestowing their time, talents or treasures as gifts this season.

Tracy Devlin’s religious education students make a list of how they can give the gift of their talents. "We encourage them to reflect on how they can make their world a better place by contributing themselves to it," says the Crystal Lake, Ill., teacher. You can adopt this theme every night you celebrate Hanukkah. For example, one child can take the time to teach a younger sibling or neighbor to read or learn math facts. You can also mark the days off of an advent calendar with a good deed done around the house by your children as an early gift to Mom and Dad.

Taking the trash out or shoveling snow for an elderly neighbor or helping a teacher organize the classroom after school gives the gift of a child’s time. By spending time reading to a grandparent or person whose eyesight isn’t what it used to be, your child learns the meaning of giving at the holidays – and throughout the year.

Older children can volunteer to donate time to baby-sit for a neighbor who needs to run holiday errands or to a single mom or dad who could use some time for themselves. Children not yet ready to baby-sit alone but looking to be a mentor can offer to accompany a family member or neighbor and their younger child on a walk. Helping clean a younger pal’s room or sharing holiday stories with a young neighbor is a wonderful gift your child can give.

Your kids also can help lower the stress level of close neighbors or friends by offering to walk the dog, care for the cat or feed the fish while they are away during the holidays. Using her talent and love of animals, your child will relish the responsibility. Or kids can make coupon books for gifts to family members or neighbors for pet sitting, yard work or trash duty. Remember, the holidays can be stressful for kids, too, so keep gift-giving pressures to a minimum.

The Gift of Giving
Get your whole family in the giving spirit. "Every year we take hot chocolate, marshmallows and our family’s favorite holiday story and schedule a visit at a children’s hospital," says Lorelei Tubbs of Illinois. "It feels so good to let the kids there know we care."

Taking the time for your family to visit an organization that deals with reading to displaced children who are there for the holidays can remind everyone of the true spirit of the season. Dressing in character or making props or a set to present the story as a play leaves a dramatic impression that stays with your children and your audience.

Or consider adopting a grandparent. "A retirement or assisted living community is always delighted to learn about a family willing to adopt a grandparent during the holidays," says Lillian Vasta, Resident Care Coordinator for St. Joseph’s Assisted Living Facility in Palatine, Ill. Because many people in their golden years feel displaced or forgotten at the holidays, spending time to hear their traditions, share stories and enjoy holiday treats together spreads some heartwarming holiday cheer. Your family also may learn some insightful facts about holiday traditions from different cultures, religions and generations.

Volunteer to make a meal for a family that will spend the holiday in the hospital. Seeing the faces illuminate when you show up on Christmas morning with a home-cooked meal for a family whose child or parent is ill will not only fill your family’s heart with pride, but remind you of the true spirit of the season.

Giving your children the chance to realize how they can be generous this year will foster fond holiday memories. Your children will learn life lessons that will afford both compassion and generosity while they promote self-esteem and pride.