Parenting: Preconception

After three children, you might be surprised to know that my favorite memento is not one of the baby books that I so diligently kept. While they are certainly good for a smile or two and irreplaceable as far as data goes, lately my daydreams have turned back to ones occupied by two – my husband and me.

I missed the chance to capture "us" in concrete form. While I was wrapped up in trying to conceive, no one told me that I might someday long for the time we shared as a couple. No one warned me to slow down and savor the very love that would eventually create our children. Maybe even more important, no one prepared me to become a total stranger to myself.

If you're planning to make this your last child-free year, consider putting together a personal memento of your life before it's invaded by the pitter patter of little feet. A concrete reminder of all the reasons you fell in love with your spouse – and yourself – will be a welcomed companion when the chaos of parenthood gets you down.

The Pages of Your Life
Scrapbooking has firmly implanted itself into the framework of today's crafting landscape. With entire magazines and specialty stores devoted to the subject, it's easy to get some idea of just how popular it has become. And the good news: You don't have to wait until you have children to enjoy this creative venture.

"I started with the pictures of our honeymoon," says Becky Johns of Mobile, Ala. "It was our first vacation together, and we went to Europe. It was a dream on many different levels: being there with him and just being there. I love to make a cup of coffee and look through that book on a rainy day."

How do you get started? Every place from discount stores to some supermarkets carry scrapbooking supplies, but if you really want to do it "the right way," you have to enlist the help of professionals.

Consultant-based businesses, such as Creative Memories, build clientele through in-home workshops. "In the class, people get to use all the photo-safe products they need to complete their first of many pages, and I am there to provide hands-on assistance," says Stephenie Hooker, a Creative Memories consultant in Silverdale, Wash.

In-home classes provide you with a great excuse for a "girls night." Some consultants offer ongoing, evening workshops at a neutral location or in the consultant's home.

The professionals at your local scrapbook store can also give you the guidance you need to begin your masterpiece. They'll help you pick an album, find supplies and give you a few pointers on page layout.

"I just finished my wedding album," says Johns. "That makes three complete albums for Jeff and me: the wedding, vacations and an 'all-purpose' album."

Stopping Time
If scrapbooking is a bit too creative for you, a time capsule can help you accomplish the same goal. You'll need a decorative box (for our purposes, waterproof is not necessary – we won't be burying this time capsule). Once you have that, you'll need to start looking for items that capture the essence of who you are – before child.

A journal is always an interesting glimpse into the thoughts and feelings of a person. Try keeping a journal for the next month or more. Keep in mind that this should be a written record of all the things you love about you, your spouse and being childless.

If journaling is too much of a commitment to the written word, you can always try your hand at essay writing. You can pick one special event that captures your zest for life alone or as a couple, or you can write an essay that shares all the experiences that fill your heart with joy. If you're very persuasive, you might try to get your partner to write a few words, too. At the very least, you can ask him for his input.

Of course, you'll want to include photos, ticket stubs, dried flowers, jewelry and anything else that elicits a positive memory about your life without children. Finally, include a note about how you imagine life to change in the next five years. Do you think parenthood will change your relationship? How? Make a written plan of action for keeping these memories – and your love – alive once you become a family.

When you're done, close the lid and mark it with the date you plan to open it. Don't feel compelled to hide it for a hundred years – even a single year is plenty of time for your world to change, especially when you're bringing up Baby. Just mark it with a date in the future when you might need a little pick-me-up from the past.

A Gift to Give
Scrapbooks and time capsules can be particularly special gifts to a friend who is actively trying to conceive or who has recently suffered a miscarriage. They can help to remind her of her own worth as a human being, independent of motherhood. When creating a keepsake gift, consider including:

• A letter detailing the things you most love and admire about her;
• Photographs and journal excerpts about special times the two of you have shared;
• A description of where you see yourselves – and your friendship – in the years to come;
• A book the two of you read and quoted for months afterward;
• A CD of songs that have meaning to your friendship.

Whether you create these keepsakes for yourself or another, they will serve as a reminder of life before children. And while life with children may be all you can think about these days, there will come a time in the future when a few moments – or memories – of silence will be golden.